end of the line......for now.

unfortunately i haven't been updating as much as i used to. things have been pretty good lately, except for the job situation (still). but other than that, i have nothing to complain about, lol, which is pretty much the direction of every post i put on here.

so as of right now i'll be shutting down the metamorphosis, though i don't plan on discontinuing the blog altogether. i'm sure something will happen down the line, but for now i'm going to put it on hold.

brower, we'll text, haha.

later bitches!!

happy day of birf....

i'd like to wish Mr. Tom Brower a very happy birthday. i was unable to make it to connecticut to celebrate, so the next time you're down here let's get fucked up!!


britannica.

salad anyone?

i wouldn't usually write about this, but a bunch of friends and i were having a pretty heated discussion about it and i'd like to see what people think of the argument....

we were all sitting around the other day talking about the extent to which you'd go with a girl sexually. about 90% of the guys there said they like going down on a girl, and have no problem doing so. then the interesting question popped up......would you eat a girl's ass?

now i know my own feelings on the situation, but i'll talk about everyone else's first. the room seemed to be split down the middle. some were all for it, and some couldn't believe that people even consider doing it. i fall in the category of both. for one, i do think the idea of it is pretty gross. but on the other hand, i have no problem doing it, but on one condition......only in (or right out of) the shower. there's just no in-between there. if it's not in or straight out of the shower, i won't do it. period.

i wonder how everyone else feels about this......leave some comments....

SERENDIPITY....

if there was anything i took from the 2+ months i lived on my own with the guys in valley stream it was:

-i love my fucking friends.

-i neeeeeed a bigger fucking bed!

-i know for a fact that i could live with other people without going insane.

-my love for sports was re-realized by having a sports game on on any given night.....thank you guys.

-freedom is a wonderful thing.

so the guys have moved to long beach, and i'm back to living at home. it's cool for now....but just for now. i literally just can't live here much longer. i'm long overdue to be living on my own, and i really can't wait for that next step in my life. i have about 3 days left until i find out if i get this full-time job or not, and i'm really excited about the possibilities. i've been working really hard for the past 6 months or so, whether it be on my career, at the gym, or working on my pimp-game (lol, i'm seriously kidding). but things have really been clicking for me lately, so getting this job would be the ultimate topper. i can't wait to start my career and start making some FUCKING MONEY!!! holy shit, that concept is so fucking cool. working saturdays? not anymore mother fucker! haha. well, i shouldn't start talking yet, because i haven't gotten the job yet. but here's to hoping.

----------

so this weekend was really sick. friday night was pretty much just a chill-out night in long beach, where chef q made us a delicious dinner. saturday night was also spent in long beach, only with a bigger crowd. we all pre-gamed at the house and then went out to minnesota's and had a great time. sunday was a trip. i spent saturday night at roe's where neither of us got any sleep (not in that sense though, lol), and then had a wedding to attend later in the day. i think overall i got maybe 5 hours of real sleep this weekend......awful. but that only highlights the fact that i had a GREAT weekend. this girl is really fucking amazing. for some reason she's really into me, why? i don't know....but i like it. i'm having a great time, and i'm really looking forward to this summer and doing a lot of fun shit. my views on this summer completely changed from wanting to rack up numbers, to getting to know this amazing girl. we get along great, make each other laugh, have many of the same interests and mesh pretty well with each other's groups of friends.

i definitely didn't think that i'd be in this position at this point, considering how big of a game i talked about staying single for a looooong time. but these things happen. they come out of nowhere when you least expect it. and for me to ignore it or move past it because of some silly belief that i should be macking them all, is just dumb. i wasn't looking for this, but i found it and i'm looking forward to seeing where it goes.

decrescendo....

"And I knew that you just couldn't wait
To put your sharpened dagger in
And watch the look on my face
It was all you were searching for
A picture frame consistent
To being alone
Now we're content with illusions
And our arm length smiles

Did you get what you wanted
Did you get what you wanted now
This is all that I'm asking
Cause its the love we're forgetting now
Did you take what you wanted
Did you get what you wanted from me
This is all that I'm asking
This is all that I'm asking you

Oh the years that have all been erased
No superficial shelter could ever replace
And its all you we're searching for
Another adequate replacement
To walk through your door
We're content with illusions
And our downhill eyes

Did you get what you wanted
Did you get what you wanted now
This is all that I'm asking
Cause its the love I'm forgetting now
Did you get what you wanted
Did you take what you wanted from me
This is all that I'm asking
Yeah this is all that I'm asking

Have you ever felt what it means to be truly alone?
Stop and think right now
Have you ever been alone?
Have you ever felt so cold?
Have you ever felt to truly alone?
So freezing cold?
So find the fakest elation I hope it takes you away
Now I've got it all worked out now
Just a memory, picture framed illusion

Did you get what you wanted
Did you get what you wanted now
This is all that I'm asking
Cause its the love I'm forgetting now
Did you get what you wanted
Did you take what you needed from me
This is all that I'm asking
This is all that I'm asking

Did you get what you wanted?"

.decrescendo.

i really hope you're happy....because i am :)

back to basics....

hoooooly shit, it's been a while since i've written on this fucking thing. so many things have changed since my last post, and i certainly can't update everything right now, but i will give the quick scoop:

just moved back home after living with my friends in valley stream.  complete freedom ---> back in the cell.  no, i mean its not that bad, but i just got waaaaaay used to living on my own.  more about that later......

andddd....been seeing this new girl.  and i like her :)

more to come bitchessssss!!

okay okayyyyy

bout the baddest girl i ever seeeen

straight up out a movie sceeene.

first day / excited

so today was my first day at i&D and i found myself more excited than nervous the morning of. i just feel comfortable there, which is really cool.  the two dudes in the crew are pretty chill and the art director seems cool. they're like a tightly knit crew, and i like that. they tried to explain how everyone at the company is really laid back, but they get everything done. the one thing that i found interesting was the severity of deadlines. i mean obviously they're important, but i've just never been under a "real" deadline before, and it was just interesting to see how seriously they take it. but i shouldn't have a problem cuz it was never a problem in college.....just laziness, lol.

so anyway, i filled out some paperwork and got my first project.....logo.  cool.  i've been in the habit of making logos lately, so i thought this was a good way to start my stay here. i'm gonna be answering phones and the door, but other than that i'm basically just working on projects all day. i have my own desk with dual monitors and a suped (sp?) up mac. ill. it's a really cool feeling being there and tasting the business. i still can't believe we get paid to do what we do. nasty.

so yeah, i'm excited to go back in, lol. which is weird because i hate work. all work. but there's something fun about it......which i'm sure only lasts so long, haha. 

nonetheless, good first day.

-----------------------------------------

so i thought this weekend was going to suck being that i wasn't able to go on the skiing trip with everyone, but it turns out that i'm possibly even more excited about saturday night than i was. word. what? yes, word.

looking.forward.

things (at the moment) are good. 

inspiritaion.

spring training is in full swing, players are working hard to sharpen their skills for another long and arduous season ahead.  i can't help but feel like a minor leaguer hoping to get signed to a long-term deal.  so far i've been invited to camp....

yeah sonnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.  well it goes like this.....

since i graduated in may i haven't gotten a job.  not a full-time job anyway.  freelance was there on a limited basis, but didn't last that long.  (actually hoping i can pick it up again).  anyway, since i couldn't get any responses for full-time jobs, and things became increasingly frustrating as time went on, i started to apply for internships.....awful.  in any case, i've been brought on board with a design company/team in freeport called i&D media.  when i went in for the interview i was immediately at ease and felt comfortable in their offices.  it has a very laid back feel to it, and everyone there seems pretty cool.  the dress code is as we choose, except for when clients are in the building.  and my hours are as i make them.  pretty sick.

well yeah, it's sick, but at the same time i'm not getting paid, lol.  whatever.  i've never had any experience up until this point except for my short freelance job in valley stream, so i'm excited to expand my knowledge of the business.  i'm going to be working around 2-3 days a week, as well as working my part-time job, so i'll be pretty busy for the next couple of months.  what is very cool is that they seem intent on training me to become a permanent employee, and seem to be excited to have me become a part of their team....which is sick.  but again, if i come away with nothing else but experience from this whole thing, it will have been worth it.  right now i'm working part-time at something i don't want to be doing.  i have 2 days off a week, which is great, but at the same time awful because i feel guilty that i'm not doing anything.  this internship is nothing but a positive for me at this point.

so i'm excited.  i haven't been excited for anything in a long time, so it feels pretty good to actually look forward to something other than partying with the crew (which is pretty much the only thing i look forward to these days, haha).  word.

i'm gonna try my best to post some updates and maybe some work on here, depending on how things go my first couple of days.  im starting to feel creative again, which is always a good thing.  inspiration kidddddd.

peace. for. now.

(btw, i'm really into the paint splatter recently, as you can tell, haha)

"chasing impossible dreams, no matter how hard it seems

looking attractive, knowing it's only a tease

but please, give me the time i need, i'm begging you on my knees

i'll never give up, no way, i'll never release

i never wanna become one of the dead, the deceased

i wanna be a lasting legend, make a permanent crease

i hope i make an impression and someone finally sees

all i'm asking for is no war, forever in peace."

i had written this back in 2003, just around the time zug had started up.  our writing was pretty amateur at the time, but i always liked these lines for some reason.  probably because it was one of the first times i actually wrote something that i meant, and that meant something to me.  i never thought i would use it in any songs, but it ended up being the last few lines of the song "the last night" which closes out our second (lol) album.

i don't wanna come off as if i'm serious about our music.....because i'm not, lol.  it was started as a joke, and we basically played off that for every song we wrote.  nothing is from real life (for the most part anyway), we used (mostly) already-established beats, and we basically just treated it as entertainment for ourselves.  i had the most fun writing those songs with the guys, and recording the music together.  it was definitely a great time in my life.  just coming up with lyrics and flows and calling the other guys up to be like, "what do you think of this, dude....".  it's the best feeling when you make someone else in the group go, "damn dude, that's siiiiick", and they mean it.  i know that we all tried to get better lyrically as time went on, but dan and i in particular would always try to one-up each other when it came to writing verses for songs.  (Jay and Anthony always had their own verses already written down, or as Jay used to do, write verses the night we recorded, haha)   there was never any ill will or anything like that....it actually just made us want to write as good a verse, if not better, than the one he just wrote.  we became better at honing our skills through friendly competition, and i'm grateful for it.  to be honest, and with all due respect to the other guys in the group, dan has to be the best out of us all lyrically.  some of the things he writes blows my fucking mind.  he's got shit written (and some recorded) that i literally can't believe he's written. 

i felt like we had all taken a big step forward from our first "album" to when we wrote "the last night...".  we had experience with writing and recording, and i even started experimenting with making beats.  on our second album i had made one of the beats from scratch, and mixed together around 3 others from existing songs to create workable beats.  the others we just plain stole, lol.  but i mean our chemistry just got better as far as knowing what we wanted to accomplish, and i think it shows by the songs on the second album.  but still, i must say again, we never took ourselves (too) seriously, lol.  i listen back on some of our songs and i just laugh, because in all honesty, what were we thinking? haha.

so anyway, i don't know how this turned into a history-of-zug post, but all i'll say is that i'd love to make another cd.  those were seriously some of the best days of my life, and i'd love to (try) and live them again.  so, long live zug.  g and conig, i hope you're enjoying your taste of the zug crew....and as for matt....you can try to come at us if you want, but we've already taken down MerkOne, and would have no problem....literally no problem....ripping you 4 new assholes.  so if you wanna bring it, bring it.  if not, we'll be content with sitting on our throne.  what.

later bitches!

(oh, and btw, i might be posting random verses from our cd's in upcoming posts because nothing exciting/interesting is going on in my life right now and i'm running out of things to write on this thing, haha)